feeling sorry for myself

We all feel sorry for ourselves from time to time. Although it is a negative thing, sometimes we feel justified to feel this way because of what is happening in our lives. I have fallen into this trap many times in the past; thinking that because life has dealt me a dud hand for something, I’m automatically allowed to wallow in my own self-pity. And this week was one of those times!

Feeling ill with a cough and cold, a traumatic visit from Aunt Flo, mixed with various other issues that on there own would be easy to deal with, but all clubbed together made me feel like the weight of the world was on my shoulders, led me to eat rubbish with this ridiculous justification.

When I need a bit of sympathy (as if wallowing in self pity isn’t self indulgent enough!), I headed to my mother-in-law who gave me lots of cups of coffee, the aforementioned sympathy, and (begrudgingly on her part) a stack of chocolate biscuits, as I whined that I needed them.

I ate rubbish dinners because I didn’t want to cook, so resorted to ordering takeaways that seemed to match my emotional upset by giving me physical upset; I felt sluggish and pretty cr*p after these meals! When faced with being weighed, I felt guilty. I didn’t want to tell my coach about the meals I’d eaten, and although at the time I felt my reasons were perfectly valid, getting ready for work this morning I realized that I didn’t have a valid reason at all. So, before I climbed on the scale I prepared myself for the worst (I was thinking at least a 3lb weight gain) and even told my coach to be prepared as I had had a very bad week.

When she told me I had stayed the same, I was gob smacked! In previous weight loss programmes I would have been quite happy with that, knowing that I could now get away with eating a bit of rubbish here and there and it obviously wouldn’t matter, but I didn’t feel that way today. I felt incredibly fortunate to have stayed the same, and I let out a sigh of relief as I glanced at the scales.

When my coach asked me why things hadn’t gone so well, I started to reel off all the troubles I had during the week, and I instantly felt a little stupid at how it sounded. Having a cold didn’t force me to eat rubbish; I had a cold before Christmas and managed to lose 4.8lb, so this wasn’t a reason at all. I told my coach that I was going to pretend that this week did not happen, and crack on with the plan from now on, but she told me not to block out the past week because it was valuable. She explained that looking over the thoughts and feelings I was having leading up to me eating something could be very useful in spotting those sorts of feelings and combatting them in the future. I thought about this and realized that she was completely right. So now, armed with the defense of being able to spot those thoughts and feelings, hopefully in the future I’ll be able to stop myself and think it through rationally. Hopefully…



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